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Aug. 17th, 2012

Draco Malfoy/Tom Felton - "And I Feel...

I'm not dead

I've just not updated in a while. Not like anyone cares (I hardly do myself, but I do maintain this thing for memories and fic, if nothing else).
Still. My fingers felt like typing, like writing -- even if what I was writing was utter nonsense.
The impulse is a bit better now (still can't hold still but it's fine, it's all fine, isn't it?)

Mar. 4th, 2012

genius at work

for permanence --

some thoughts for stories and world-building (for permanence so I won't lose this on tumblr)

Worlds to build:

The Vermilion Cloak...Collapse )

Characters to create:

A closet nerd...Collapse )

Jan. 25th, 2012

Draco Malfoy/Tom Felton - "And I Feel...

Fic: Birds, Together

Come fly with meCollapse )

Dec. 31st, 2011


A song for 2012!

Let's shake off the hurts and ills of the last year, and let's dance to the sound of a new one.

Florence + The Machine -- Shake it Out
It's always darkest before the dawn.


Goodbye, 2011

It’s time to say goodbye to an old year — time to bid farewell bad habits long dragged about, time to shake off old fears and hurts; it’s time to find a new, more positive way of living. It’s time for me to give and not ask how I can receive. It’s time for me to start to make a difference.

This year, at many times, has seemed completely impossible -- but it always seems impossible until it's done. And thank God, it is finished.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has made this year possible — to everyone from my friends to my family to my followers: I will always love and appreciate you. Thanks for making this year’s greatest highs and for keeping my head above water when the lows tried to drown me.

And my largest thank-you has to go to God — without Him, my next breaths would be stolen from me, rather than promised. All thanks go to Him, because I know that my future is not promised by my will alone.

Let’s bid this year a fond farewell, and step forward fearlessly. We’ve got lives to live. Our adventures are yet to be written in full.

Goodbye, 2011. 2012, I’m looking forward to meet you.


Dec. 29th, 2011

keep calm...

Thank God for pain meds

Got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out today, plus a peg tooth that was causing crowding in my mouth. According to my orthodontist, my jaw is too small for the number of teeth I have; this year and next will begin a series of dental finagling as my orthodontist and dental surgeon find ways to make my teeth fit in my mouth without causing too much pain. It makes me sigh all over again to just think at how complicated this whole mess is going to be. 

Right now, my cheeks, lips, and chin are a bit swollen; thankfully, the swelling has gone down considerably from earlier today. Just after my surgery, I couldn't feel my lips, chin or cheeks, and my tongue was tingling with whatever leftover drugs the doctors used to put me under -- bizarre sensation, that. Now, the pain is setting in. Thank God for Vicodin and Ibuprofen...

I've not been writing much on lj these days; most of my time is spent posting on Tumblr. I still feverishly devour fanfiction all over lj, so I suppose all hope is not lost.

It is so odd, the feeling of my face all swollen up like this. It's so strange, being unable to feel the slight hollows beneath my high cheekbones or the hard line of my square jaw. Hopefully, the swelling will further recede within the next two days or so. 

I'm not sure how I feel about the new year yet, other than the fact that there are so many things I need to set right. I hope to find the strength within me to simply act without fear, and the goodness in me that will allow me to live with the consideration for others in mind...

It's time to re-set my goals and ambitions... But for now, I think it's time to quit grinding my teeth, take some more pain meds, and get some rest.

Oct. 15th, 2011

Commander Spock

movie night, subsequent fangirling

just watched

Ip Man 2: Legend of the Grandmaster and Star Trek XI (for about the hundredth time. I know every line in that movie). 

Star Trek, of course, rebooted my longest held fandom, resurrecting that crazy fangirl in me with every slashable K/S moment I coud feasibly construe from STXI. God, I love that movie. The characters are harsher, sharper, more keenly defined by an alternate universe that is more than kin and less than kind; I absolutely love it. And every little outside reference the STXI characters make to TOS (or even Sherlock Holmes; at one point, Spock quotes from Sherlock Holmes, haha) makes me giggle or flail rather crazily, both inside and outside. It seems the family has gotten used to it by now, though.

Ip Man 2 was a continuation of my viewing of its predecessor, Ip Man, several months before. I love kung fu films; I love almost anything to do with Asian culture in general, and this film, being historically accurate and based on true events, is a gem. It stars Donny Yen, who stars as Ip Man, the legendary wing chun grandmaster who was also the teacher of the great Bruce Lee. I don't typically find myself attracted to Asians, but, on a totally superficial note, Donny Yen is rather handsome. I've so much inspiration from that movie now: the strength and graceful flow of human limbs (to draw, or paint, or maybe photograph), the movement of long and somber black Chinese robes...

anyway. I can count this night as a win. now off to sleep.

Oct. 4th, 2011

Draco Malfoy/Tom Felton - "And I Feel...

To-Do list

well, since I'm too sick to go to class...
  1. clean room
  2. start letter to senator
  3. organize books
  4. move artwork into bins
  5. wash bedsheets

Oct. 3rd, 2011

Draco Malfoy/Tom Felton - "And I Feel...

It's October, and high time that I started posting again

Walking home from school today, feeling every inch of my 5'2" frame ache with cold and sickness, I contemplated grey skies and Spanish words.

Headache. Dolor de cabeza

Stomach ache. Dolor del estomago

¿Comó te sientes?
How are you feeling?

Estoy enferma hoy. I'm sick today.

Fighting to force my typically clear sense of sight past the squeeze of pressure in my sinuses and the catch in my breath made me long fiercely for the strangely tangible weightlessness of the summer heat in Spain. The burgeoning rain clouds overhead made me wish for the silvery flash of sunlight on a magpie's blue-black wings. It's October, and I miss the fleeting promise of August -- summer's last kiss. This year's vacation made that kiss even more bittersweet than it usually is.

Forgoing the typical visit to my family in Virginia, this year, I went to Spain.

Nothing of my life saturated in the sounds and colors New York prepared me for the sights and sounds of Spain. That place -- with its impossibly, perpetually blue sky, its colors (flaxen gold, olive green, dusk lavender, sandstone yellow, sanguine and cadmium red), the many ways in which its doors and very stones are steeped in history, hopes and blood -- that place enthralled me. Something in Spain loosed a frantic passion for everything in me. The place simply inspires passion -- even the colors of its flag (red, gold) set my blood apace. 

Walking home in the midst of cold weather, the promise of freezing rain and the aches of a cold simply doesn't compare.

Quiero más que esto. I want more than this. Quiero la esperanza en los cielos de verano, los colores de España, sus sonidas y sus ritmos y sus vientos brillante. Quiero más que esto. 

I want the hope in summer skies, the colors of Spain, its sounds and rhythms and its bright winds. I want more than this.

It's October again, and as Autumn creeps in like a stalking, slinky cat, a part of me is still that blue-black magpie, harassing tourists in Spain and flying in accordance to silver sunlight on my graceful wings.

Jan. 10th, 2011

keep calm...

A resolution;

 the solution to the root of all of my problems.

i'm signing off from the social aspect of the internet world. until the summer. Why? I have a goal I need to accomplish -- a trip to Europe this summer, for one, among other things. School is coming first.

I'm giving up original fiction online, fanfiction, deviantart until... the summer. That is, unless i am asking for help.
I will only read books, and if I want to read something else, well, I'll write it myself.

wish me luck; the internet is my addiction.

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